How the Holidays Can Trigger Trauma Survivors
Introduction
The holidays are often portrayed as a time of joy, happiness, and connection. Everywhere you look, there are reminders of what this season is “supposed” to feel like—family gatherings, traditions, celebration, gratitude, and togetherness. But for trauma survivors, this time of year can stir up a very different emotional experience.
Shorter days, family expectations, memories from the past, social pressure, and the emotional intensity of holiday rituals can activate the nervous system in ways that feel sudden, confusing, or overwhelming. Even positive plans—travel, celebrations, reconnecting with people you love—can bring up fear alongside hope.
If you notice a mix of emotions this time of year, you are not alone.
The holidays can be beautiful.
And they can also be triggering.
Trauma therapy can help your nervous system understand the difference between past experiences and present-day triggers.
Why the Holidays Can Feel So Hard for Trauma Survivors
Our nervous system uses emotion and memory—not logic—to detect safety. That means the holidays don’t just represent the present moment; they can represent everything that came before.
The smells, music, dates, food, decorations, weather, and family dynamics can all activate emotional memory stored in the body.
Trauma is not just a story in your mind—it is an experience recorded in your nervous system. If you want to understand how the nervous system responds to trauma, trauma therapy can help.
This can lead to strong reactions during the holiday season, such as:
hypervigilance
overthinking
catastrophic expectations
difficulty sleeping
emotional shutdown
fear of conflict
people-pleasing or fawning
dissociation
None of these reactions are signs of weakness.
They are your body doing exactly what it was built to do: protect you.
For survivors, the holidays can act like a “memory bridge”—connecting the present to unresolved experiences from the past. You might not consciously think about those memories, yet your body remembers what happened during this season. Family gatherings, old traditions, or societal expectations to feel joyful can bring up:
childhood trauma
unresolved grief
loss of what you didn’t have
complicated relationships
loneliness inside a crowd
unmet emotional needs from childhood
painful anniversaries
pressure to be “fine”
Your brain isn’t trying to ruin the holidays—it’s trying to keep you safe based on what it learned a long time ago.
Recognizing Signs of Holiday Triggers
Holiday triggers don’t always show up as panic.
Sometimes, they show up in other ways.
Common responses include:
Procrastination — freezing up around holiday tasks
Irritability — reacting strongly to small requests
Ruminating — replaying interactions in your mind
Difficulty with transitions — travel, schedules, or hosting
Clinging to routine — because structure feels safer
Feeling overwhelmed — by tasks that used to feel easier
Perfectionism — trying to make things “just right” in order to feel safe
Numbing or distraction — checking out as a safety mechanism
These are not personal failures.
They are signals that your nervous system is working hard to create safety.
When you can recognize these patterns with curiosity, rather than judgment, it becomes easier to have compassion for yourself and give yourself the soothing that you need.
Practical Strategies to Cope
The goal is not to force yourself to enjoy the holidays.
The goal is to support your nervous system so you can move through this season with self-advocacy, self-compassion, and choice.
Here are some trauma-informed strategies that can help:
1. Name What’s Happening
Giving language to your experience helps the brain settle. Sometimes we call this “Naming it to tame it”:
“My body is remembering from the past. This feeling doesn’t mean I’m in danger right now.”
Naming the pattern separates the past from the present, even if the emotions feel similar.
2. Make the Season More Manageable
You don’t have to engage in everything the holidays bring.
Lowering expectations rather than pushing yourself is easier on your nervous system and allows you to process emotions at your own pace.
Try:
picking one tradition instead of many
planning for short visits instead of long stays
choosing events that feel safe
building in rest before and after gatherings
setting small, flexible expectations
You are allowed to create a holiday season that is right for you and supports your healing.
3. Use the Body to Calm the Brain
When emotions are high, calming the body is often the fastest way to reduce activation.
Supportive strategies include:
slow exhale breathing
grounding through touch (hands on a mug, soft blanket)
stepping outside briefly
weighted items
comforting scents
warm shower or compress
gentle movement
When the body experiences safety and support, the mind often follows.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Say No
Holiday pressure can create emotional exhaustion. Give yourself permission to:
skip the traditions that hurt
decline invitations
rest more than usual
create new rituals that feel safe
step away from unrealistic expectations
5. Reach for Support
If the holidays bring up painful emotions, therapy can help you explore:
why the holiday season feels stressful
how your nervous system responds to triggers
the connection between your past and present reactions
gentle ways to set boundaries with family
coping skills that support regulation
body-based approaches (Polyvagal, EMDR, somatic strategies)
internal parts (IFS) that carry holiday memories
For many clients, EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) allows the nervous system to separate present experiences from past memories that were formed around the holidays. This can reduce the emotional intensity of triggers and help you experience the season in a way that feels less stressful.
Support isn’t about erasing your history.
It’s about helping your nervous system feel safer in the present.
Seeing the Season Differently
Even when the holidays are painful, they can hold a quiet kind of possibility.
The holiday season can provide you an opportunity to:
reflect on what you needed then and how you can give that to yourself now
release traditions that no longer serve you
create new ways of celebrating that honor your healing
notice small moments of safety
reconnect with yourself gently
Growth doesn’t require pretending the season is all joyful.
It requires compassion for the part of you that is trying to stay safe.
Schedule a Consultation
If the holidays feel overwhelming—if your body reacts to the holidays faster than your mind can process—you don’t have to navigate it alone. Together, we can help your nervous system feel safer, understand your reaction patterns with compassion, and find ways to move through this season with self-compassion, support, and choice.
Sessions are provided virtually for clients located in New York State.
Julie Cox, LCSW is a licensed therapist with 25 years of experience supporting children, teens, parents, and adults in New York State. She specializes in trauma and anxiety, using evidence-based approaches including EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), IFS-informed therapy, and DBT to help clients heal from overwhelm, chronic stress, and the impact of early experiences on the nervous system.
Julie also works with families navigating PANDAS/PANS, offering child and parent-centered support based on co-regulation, nervous system education, and evidence-based approaches that help reduce anxiety, OCD symptoms, and demand-avoidance behaviors. She helps parents feel more empowered and supported while caring for children experiencing neuroinflammatory symptoms.